I never want to see another naked old woman again.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
