I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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