she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
