I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
