the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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