You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
