I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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