i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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