I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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