If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize