Tell her she can't have a vagina
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
