She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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