The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
