and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
