the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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