I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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