i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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