I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
