addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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