she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
