Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
