garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
