you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you inspire me to be a worse person
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
