Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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