I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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