i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
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