Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
