my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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