so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
