Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
