She said her name was "party"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
