Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I want her autograph on my taint
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
