After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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