I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
