Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
