sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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