Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
