Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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