I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
