Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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