Kiss
Puke
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
