Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
