Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
