something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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