she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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