The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
