apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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