you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
