I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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