once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
