Fine. I'll sleep in my office
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
