so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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