Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
