I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
When are your genitals available?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
