Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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