Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
