I want you more than these girls want KFC
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I want her autograph on my taint
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
