Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
