so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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