life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
