Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You pole danced in your parka.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
