Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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