i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
