I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
