you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
