And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize