My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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