My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
