I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
