you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize